Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
