For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
