Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
