It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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