i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
