I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
