How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
