I could have mohawked her pubes.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
