I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
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She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
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That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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