She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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