I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
