I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
