Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I deserve this hangover.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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