I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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