with your own penis?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
