i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize