That's when you crack a 10am beer
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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