And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
