i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
