i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
