ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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