So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
