Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
