his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
