hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
