We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
