I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
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Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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