I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
