What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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