I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
