if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
