Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
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smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
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I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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