Moan for me like Helen Keller
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
