Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
