Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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