Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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