you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My dick has a subreddit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
