I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
True college students do jello shots in the library
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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