I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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