and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Someone signed my nipple.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
