Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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