I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
