So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
