If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize