I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You smell like stripper and shame
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
