Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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