I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
