I will die if light touches me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
