Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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