i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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