you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize