k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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