Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we're so committed to being not committed
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