Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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