then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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