i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
