Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
