So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
