I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
