Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
