We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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