I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
